Fav song.

My favorite song is by Marilyn Manson. It's a remix of a song called "Sweet Dreams".

A feewrite about passion and purpose and stuff...

As far as my dream goes, I’m working towards it slowly. I’m going to school, working, and keeping busy. But mostly I just feel like I’ve been wasting my time. I’m starting to wonder what’s really important. What should I really be doing with my time? What should I really spend my money on?

In the past I’ve had lots of struggles in school. I still do. I just didn’t see what the point was. Why do I need to study to pass their tests when the real test of life will have nothing to do with any of it? Why do I need to read books they assign me? If I read the same thing everyone else is reading then I’ll have the same thoughts and feelings as them. I don’t want to conform to what society and other people want me to be. If I’m going to write a paper on a book then why do I have to write what the teacher wants me to write? I hear all the time that teacher complain about reading the same paper over and over again. Well why don’t they let the students free write? Are they afraid that students might actually have an idea or two of their own? I imagine that many good teachers out there has lost they jobs because they failed to step in line and follow the masses. Like in the movies Donnie Darko and this other one with Robin Williams. The true test is how you live from day to day. Are you the kind of person who will return a lost wallet are are you the kind that steals from others? The true test is survival and how you feel about yourself. “Yourself” as in the you behind the façade of being in public.

I feel so conflicted because of this article I read by Steve Jobs. He gave seven reasons why ppl will never do anything amazing with their lives. https://medium.com/life-learning/2a1841f1335d

He was told to skip two years in elementary school because he scored so high on their tests. He was very smart ever since the beginning. He got into his career early at 13 and it was a snowball effect. Until the company he helped found basically kicked him to the curb. I’m sad that he is dead… I remember I took a computer class in 2010 and he came up in one of our lessons. A student was surprised because the ppl who we read about in textbooks are all dead people. It’s like humans worship the dead more than the living. I don’t agree with this but it’s happened too many times where someone will not get famous until they are dead. Van Goh for example. When he was alive no one wanted his paintings ppl actually had to be paid to display his work. But now the paintings are worth millions of dollars… It’s frustrating. The quote that has me thinking the most from Steve job’s list is, “Because I will recklessly abandon all insecurities and expose my true self to the world I will become immune to the impact of your opinion and stand naked in a crowd of ideas; comfortable knowing that you married the mundane and I explored the exceptional.” He wasn’t afraid to be who he was because he was an exceptional person. I want this. I want to boldly call myself an exceptional person someday.

Too many times I catch myself falling in line and doing as others do. Watching what everyone else watches and listening to music just because everyone else does.

I get so frustrated by other ppl who think that just bkz they have higher grades that that entitles them to be stuck up bigots. There is a certain euphoria in getting the highest grade on something. Like you did better than everyone, but it that really going to make you a better person? Maybe according to the masses, but what about you personally? A lot of the time I think it’s just better to keep your mouths shut than open it.

I think one of the biggest problems with youth today is that they don’t read. If they do it’s the misspelled rants and raves of their friends on facebook. I get sick to my stomach around some people because of their ignorance and stupidity. They care more about having a pretty face than having a good heart. Not good in the Christian sense, but in a way that means they are not going out to rob liquor stores or play the knockout game. Someone that has values and morals. People don’t understand that there is an infinite ocean of information and value in the words of the people who came before us. I am guilty of not having read much of what was written. I want to change that though…

I think a lot of the time people, me too, are lacking in curiosity. They just don’t care about reading between the lines or finding the hidden meanings of symbols and life. I ask myself puzzling unanswered questions every day. I think people, including me, really needs to start asking the Matrix question. Is this all real? Is what I’m seeing on tv and “reality shows” actually reality? What is real and what is just imagined? I forget where I heard this, but someone said that everything we see, even now, is partially real and partially imagination. I just watched a movie The Black Swan where this ballerina was so far into her fantasy that she killed herself with ought realizing it but didn't notice till it was too late. The story is heart wrenching too because she achieved her ultimate dream of pulling off a perfect show, but to do so, she gave up her life as payment.

I noticed too that a lot of ppl don’t defeat their own arguments before they blurt them out to the world. I find it hard to speak publicly for this reason. I second guess everything so when I try to describe something or explain my beliefs, I get tongue tied and lose track of what I’m trying to say. I’m constantly coming up with different ways of seeing things that sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts. I usually don’t share my thoughts and opinions unless I’m put on the spot and asked personally what I think.

So what the hell do we do about all this stuff? I think that, like matter, that by merely looking at it, it changes. Just by talking about and sharing these things that people will start to change. Unless of course they are unlike me in that they want to live a mundane, uneventful life inventing Velcro. My plan is to take it day by day… one step at a time. I want to ask myself more often, what else could I be doing right now? How is watching these silly shows going to help me in the long run? What could I do to learn more about whatever/anything/anyone? If I see someone who really inspires me, I want to learn more about them. Like who are their role models? Who do they look up to and idolize and why? The world is a scary place, but it's important to ask these questions regardless of what might be the answer.

 

My "Wall"

   My "wall" (my passion) is video production. I was in a three year program for multimedia in high school. I can do many things like direct, film, and edit, but my favorite thing to do is develop special effects. I was one of the few students who was always on the computer, even during lunch and after school. I absolutely love it. I've even won two awards for best special effects and one for best music video. I've also been nominated three times for best photos. My passion is the reason why I'm attending Chabot College. I want to get all my general ed. out of the way so I can transfer to another college and focus on videography.
   I think the main thing that's holding me back from my goal is money. Since I graduated from high school in '09, I have not made any movies or music videos. The reason is that I can't afford to buy a decent camera or the editing program Final Cut. My other issue is that I've never really had a high GPA. I have trouble with bad grades ever since elementary school. I excel in my writing and reading abilities, but I fall short in all other subjects, especially math.

English 101B of Fall 2012 @ Chabot College

Dear friends,

 

    During the semester in English 101B of Fall 2012, I have learned many things. First, I ascertained that knowledge is earned and that there are more than two sides to every situation. I learned how to use the analogy of limbo to become a better person, and that no group should be judged by the actions of an individual. Additionally, I discovered ways that the government is flawed, oppressive, and unresponsive. Lastly, I found out that one person could change the world through the power of choice.

   Knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom are all earned through perseverance, initiative, and assiduousness. Knowledge is defined as “information and skills acquired through experience or education”(Google). Just like working at any job, to become more intelligent you need competence, diligence, and initiative. Without motivation, we cannot hope to excel in life. Sitting in front of a screen all day and stagnating will not only block knowledge, but reverses the effect of learning through experience. To become wiser, we must first make mistakes then have the initiative to learn from them. From that comes competence to know how to initiate what we learned into our lives. An ex-gang member and organizer of gang truce named Twilight Bey explained, “Light is a word that symbolized knowledge [and] wisdom” (Twilight LA, 254). It’s the other side of the coin to darkness. Darkness, conversely, is harder to define because it depends on ones own perspective and philosophy in the matter. In situations like the riots in Los Angeles, events cannot be simply described in black or white. For example, a police commissioner is asked “which side are you on” (Twilight LA, 15) because he decided to look at a situation form another viewpoint by taking the time to talk to gang members. The commissioner (Stanley Sheinbaum) wondered why he had to choose a side. The truth is that the question itself is false and made so as to deceive. The idea that everything is so dualistically set up is not reality. There are countless sides to every situation, especially in his case; there is race, gender, profession, wealth, you name it. Each of these groups, in fact, are made up of individuals who are many at once. The idea that there are two sides is an illusion that oversimplifies a complex, intricate, puzzle that makes up the human psyche.

    In order to step out of limbo (twilight), we need to take into account our individual beliefs, judgment, and interests, be willing to learn, and be aware of the challenges and consequences to make an educated, unbiased decision so that we not only see how others impacted a given phenomenon, but how we project ourselves into it. Twilight is a time of limbo between night and day, a time of ambiguity and enigma. In twilight we have a new perspective because outlines are not as easily seen which “allows us to see intersections of the events with a number of other things that daylight obscures for us” (Twilight LA, 233). When you look at situations form another perspective you will see things that you would not necessarily see using your own opinion. We see, using Twilight Los Angeles, 1992, those who are supposed to be infallible, those who are supposed to be our protectors, are actually just as bad, worse even, than the ones who they are supposed to protect us from. I’m in limbo because I still have to respect the fact that police are just hard working Americans trying to make their way in the world as best they know how. It comes down to the individual; I’m not going to assume the worst just because they are wearing the uniform.

    Besides corrupt police, the government perpetrates violence on its citizens for self-aggrandizement, profit, and corruption. Humans can be a vicious animal whose greatest strength is the will to make a choice. Keeping in mind that we are capable of great good and great evil, we have to constantly be reminded that what we do will always have repercussions. A lot of harm can come from the wrong choice whether the intentions are good or not. In an interview with Twilight Bey, separate from this book, he makes this point: “How can you get your life together if you are constantly being abused living in a community that has certain types of politically motivated economic embargoes that keep you from having industry? So you’re locked into the underground economy and everyone wants to call you a criminal” (Bey). This not only describes the situation in Los Angeles, but all over the world. When they send businesses overseas without unions, the living wage jobs are unavailable. This causes people (who are just trying to survive) to go “underground” for the under-the-table work, drug dealing, or prostitution, you name it. People have to make money somehow so they are set up to be a criminal from the beginning.

    People who refuse to use these underground means react in a different way. One example it a time magazine article called the Protestor. A man could not sell his goods because of dictators only out for self-aggrandizement. He immolated himself, starting the uproar of revolutions against the oppressive dictators and government systems. Also, it kick started the global Occupy Movement. It was an awakening for the whole world to see that the system is flawed and corrupt. Another example it with the poem performed by Boots Reily. He relates that people are struggling to survive by any means necessary because the government cannot provide the help that people desperately need. Instead of helping people, the government punishes them. Another example is in the book Zeitoun. In the book, the author Dave Eggers tells the true story of one family caught between America’s two biggest policy disasters: the war on terror and the response to hurricane Katrina. Zeitoun was arrested for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was treated like and animal, thrown in a cage, neglected, and spied on. Despite the fact that New Orleans was swarming with help, Zeitoun had been pulled into the chaos that engulfed even the politics of the judicial system. Kathy, his wife, put her faith not only into her God, but into her country and its people. She tried everything in her power to get her husband out of prison once she hears from the messenger. The judicial system was fractured. They broke her down and worked her over in a way that nobody could have predicted. Zeitoun’s court date and address was not given to Kathy. Authorities from the prison denied that he was even at the place he was being held; he wasn’t on any record. After that, the people who were aware of his presence at the prison would not divulge the information of the time or place of Zeitoun’s mock trial. The judge even set his bail to $75,000 when normally it should have been only $500. Eventually Kathy called the district attorney’s office, but she was told that they didn’t even have a real court for the hearings pertaining to the prisoners. When Kathy asked to speak to someone with higher authority, they replied, “Oh, we can’t tell you… that’s privileged information” (Zeitoun, 280). She couldn’t believe that her own country, which she had come to trust in, could make someone disappear. Not just anyone but a model citizen who only wanted to make a difference by saving anyone he could. Worse than that, every step of the way people just turned their backs on the situation. She had faith in higher powers that, in the end, failed her and left her worse off than before. Once the government fails, many others fall along with it. Laws, regulations, and protocol are put there for a reason. Once one levee fails, the rest follow in a domino effect.

   Real change can be broken down to each individual person’s choices, experiences, and consequences. We all dream of a perfect society without violence and crime while full of justice and equality; we dream of a place where we can all live without bias or hate. Places like this simply do not exist. Injustice has been a part of people’s lives for so long that, to me, people have gotten the “just mind your own business” syndrome. People may hear someone calling for help, but their pleas are in vain because there isn’t anyone who cares enough to do anything about it. People just watch and hope that something will change instead of going after that change themselves. For example, the reason the police get away with brutality is because there is no one to stop them, even in court, despite the verity that they are guilty of multiple crimes themselves. By looking at situations through other perspectives we can make different decisions to cause the world around us to become a better place. Change starts when a person decides not to voyeuristically watch and instead research and raise awareness so that they become the change that the world so desperately needs. Although many do not realize it, one person really can make a difference and change the world.

Yours truly,

JB